As 2019 draws to a close, I find myself reflecting on the past year – as many of us do at this time. I have grown so much and so quickly in the past year, I don’t even recognize who I was three months ago, much less last January. I went back into my journals to remind myself of where I was on my journey at this time last year.
What I found in my journals was surprising in many ways. I was operating at a completely different vibration – I felt myself physically reacting to what I was reading. My chest tightened up and I recognized that I was empathically taking on the energy of who I was a year ago – and it was much like taking on another person’s energy. I recognized that this energy actually was someone else’s, in that I am no longer that person who wrote these entries into a journal. It wasn’t “negative energy” as we often think of it, it was simply a very different vibration than where I live now.
I was not writing horrible things or going through terrible drama. In fact, some of the things were very exciting at the time! I was just figuring it out, as we do when we journal about things. I was working it out on paper. As I read the questions I was asking – I recognized that they were often asked out of fear. I was so afraid of doing it wrong (by “it”, I mean life, my journey, following my path). I was afraid of missing my shot at happiness. I was afraid of being stuck in a routine that limited my growth and held me back from fulfilling my purpose. Most of all, I was afraid I wasn’t doing enough to prepare for what The Universe has in store for me in this lifetime.
With all of the inquiry and exploration, I grew and expanded and transitioned into a new, higher, more open and compassionate vibration. What I needed, and what I did, was love. I needed to love myself enough to trust that I was (and still am) moving at exactly the right pace. I needed to love myself enough to trust that my intuition and heart know what’s best for me. I needed to love myself enough to trust that everything is unfolding in divine timing and that timing is impeccable. I needed to love myself enough to trust that growth never comes from comfort – and I needed to love myself even when it’s uncomfortable.
This is not an overnight understanding. I worked through this one day at a time, one step at a time. I have noticed that as the next right step is revealed to me, it’s not neon signs and fireworks – it actually feels very normal and… right. It just feels right.
I followed that feeling to leave my full-time job and focus on my work as a healer. I followed that feeling to put myself out there and had the great honor to officiate my sister’s wedding. I followed that feeling to move to a new house and nicer living situation. I followed that feeling to explore Scotland on my own. I followed that feeling to understand when it was my 20-year-old kitty’s time to leave this world. I followed that feeling to take a road trip to be with friends on their life-changing journey from Chicago to Portland, Oregon. I followed that feeling when presented with an opportunity to purchase a new-to-me vehicle (the exact make and model that I have wanted for several years). Very little of this made logical or financial sense – but it felt right and following that feeling has never steered me wrong.
I did not spend 2019 skipping along through major life changes with ease – it was work. My clients will confirm that this sort of ascension is work. A lot of work. And grief. With each change, the old me died so a new me could be reborn. I grieved the loss of friendships, the loss of my fur baby, the loss of the false sense of security that routine brings. And I would do it all again, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Because what was greater than the grief and loss was the love. The expansion. The growth that feels… right.
I am grateful for 2019. I am grateful for everything that happened, the joy and the sorrow. The fear and the love. I am grateful for my family, my amazing friends, the incredible healers that I work with, my spirit guides, my angels, and The Universe. I am so incredibly grateful for this life, what it has become, and what it will be in 2020.
If you would like to experience this sort of growth, check out my Services page to learn more about how you can work with me.
Many blessings for the new year.
✨? Patti ?✨